Welcome to Mordor!

so the new terminator is...my grandma?

2008-10-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

so this is probably my last post as a public blog. i feel like there are two reasons i don't post very often.

1. i have little time to do so and with any free time i have, either my wife has my computer and is blogging herself or i am playing videogames.

2. i don't want random randy knowing what i feel about life.

so if you are interested in hearing about my life and maybe laughing at my stupid sense of humor, then message me with your email so i can invite you into my private blog. see, there's a joke there that i'm staying away from because i don't want randy getting the wrong idea about me.

i also will be starting a public design blog that will be directed from my portfolio website that will be public so keep an eye out for that.

on to the business at hand...cyborgs. it's looking like the connors were right. i just read a story about a tsukuba university professor named yoshiyuki sankai who developed the hal-5:

this is apparently a device designed for the handicapped and the elderly who have an extra $2,200 a month laying around in their hoveround scooter's front basket. tony stark would be proud.

so here's the kicker. the manufacturer is cyberdyne. CYBERDYNE!? CYBERDYNE!? ok, when the brainstorming session is going on at your robotic manufacturing company, would somebody NOT google the history of the name cyberdyne when ping pong suggests it and wang chung says, "hey, yeah that sounds super cool happy funtime!"? seriously wikipedia is not hard to use, and i'm pretty sure it's translated into japanese.

so the real cyberdyne (the grandma supercharging robotic company) is apparently not suposed to confuse us with cyberdyne systems (and i quote "best known for its genocidal skynet AI and army of terminator robots). it kind of makes you think about how important all the research mrs. pomelhorse in 7th grade english class made you do on the history of god knows what was building a good habit. don't name your robotic manufacturing company after a fictional robotic manufacturing company that caused the apocalypse, defecated on the space time continuum, and peaked out edward furlong's career.

i am excited how christian bale will make this all better though.

matt damon

2008-07-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

thinking about taking my blog private. let me hear your thoughts. advantages, disadvantages. let me hear from both sides (those with public, those with private, those that have gone private and are thinking of going public, those that are public and know someone who went private because of the public, saving private ryan, stephen spielberg, elmo...you know, both sides). i'm just thinking i don't want to hesitate to post stuff about myself that i might want my friends to know, but not the rest of the dirty internets.

lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats...

2008-07-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

so thanks to glenda's blog, and rhoda's yells through the internets, i have realized i haven't posted in 10 months. reflection upon why prompted me to think of me finishing my degree in graphic design, planning for a wedding, and the fact that whenever i feel like posting...i go make a sandwich. i like to eat the sandwiches.

so as me and ro have a new apartment and will be starting a new life together, we want to start it off right with as much mass produced, inexpensive, swiss flair as we can get our hands on. we therefore took a trip to ikea. granted it was fun walking around picking up the necessary flatwear dividers, lederhosen, and the like. but the real excitement (as always) was in the bathroom.

as i went to take care of business (as we all do), i was met with a wonderful sight that brought a tear to me eye. finally, after all these years pleading to the better business bureau for an emergency button next to the toilet, they've finally stepped up to the plate.

now i have never personally had a medical emergency on the toilet, but it is my biggest fear. if i ever did have an emergency in any normal, non-swiss bathroom, there would be no button for me to push for the authorities to come break down the door and save me. thank you switzerland for bringing your neutral medical buttons of bathroom emergencies to our great land of the free.

as we approach the fourth of july, while you remember the signing of our independence from the oppression of great britain, i also ask you all to remember the country just north of our oppressors who brought us this incredible invention of dependence on the swiss to come through if you have an emergency...in the bathroom.

I kill me! -Alf

2007-08-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm a nerd and I laugh at myself a lot because I think I'm a pretty funny guy. I feel like a dork though when I'm ROTFLOL all over myself when I'm reading old posts and everyone is looking at me like I just kicked a chipmunk.

So it's really hot up here and I haven't posted in like 3 months and I got all engaged just like Captain Picard. So I'm boo koo exicted about the new Indana Jones movie and the new Batman movie and the new Star Trek movie. I also want to finish The Inheritance Trilogy really badly. So I'm pretty tired now, I think I'll go talk to my mom for a couple hours again.

Capri Suns are hard to open.

Your mom goes to college

2007-05-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

So its my mom's birthday. I mean mother's day. I bought her a kyak. I mean WillowTree figurine. She screamed incohearantly and threw a spoon up against the window. I mean she loved it and cried. I love my mom. I mean I really love my mom.

I really do thank God all the time for being blessed with amazing parents. I could not ever imagine having anyone better. I would probably die or just be really really crabby if they weren't in my life.

She cried when she read my awesome card too. It had a boy in a cowboy hat on it. And some words about feelings and stuff. Mom's eat that stuff up. Especially little cowboy babies.

"You Reeka!"

2007-05-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is my last day of class for this semester. I go for about ten minutes to show my teacher my projects that he's already seen about fifty times. It will cost me about $10.30 for the round trip trainfare and two dollars for parking. I'll be leaving around 10:00 so that I can get parking and get up there by lunch time and with a little leeway for any problems I might run into in my presentation and won't be getting home until almost 6:00. That's $12.30, plus gas money, and eight hours for a ten minute meeting. Seem ridonkulious? That's because it is. But I'm taking some of the guys from my small group out to par-tay after I get home. We'll probably cuddle up with some Guitar Hero and swap some manly stories and make waffels and all. It will be smashing.

Also smashing...

Here's the link to my final project in my Computer Graphics class:

Not for the weak of stomach

I'm Super, Super Cereal

2007-04-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

I know its long and overwhelming but I don’t post that often and I have a lot to say. Please take the time to read it.

Ok. So I don’t ever have time to write on my blog but I’m making time now since God just spoke to my heart through His Word. I’m reading Romans for like the 12th time and I’m seeing us all not taking Paul’s advice on a lot of things.

Romans 14
1 Accept Christians who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those think it is all right to eat anything must not look down on those who won’t. And those who won’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to condemn God’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord’s power will help them do as they should…10 So why do you condemn another Christian? Why do you look down on another Christian? Remember, each of us will stand personally before the judgment seat of God…12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. 13 So don’t condemn each other anymore. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not put an obstacle in another Chrisian’s path…15 And if another believer is distressed by what you eat, you are not acting in love if you eat it. Don’t let your eating ruin someone for whom Christ died. 16 Then you will not be criticized for doing something you believe is good. 17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. 19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

He’s not just talking about food here. That’s why he says “For instance.” This is to be applied to judging and putting our own convictions others in general. Especially Christians who are weak or not as experienced in their faith. One particular student comes to mind who’s been under a lot of scrutiny for his twisted sense of humor. I say in the words of one of my heroes, “Who are you to condemn God’s servants. They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord’s power will help them do as they should.” This legalism that we are putting on other Christians is hypocritical because in no way can we “cast the first stone” just because our sin might be more private than theirs. If we expect grace and redemption and acceptance from others for our own sins, we should do the same for others.

So we should allow God to convict others and not do it ourselves unless asked. But on the other end we need to live our lives to serve others as Paul says in Chapter 15:

1 We may know that these things are make no difference, but we cannot just go ahead and do them to please ourselves. We must be considerate of the doubts and fears of those who think these things are wrong. 2 We should please others. If we do what helps them, we will build them up in the Lord.

Some of you may know that a while ago I removed some things on my blog that I did not find sinful or wrong and had no conviction about, but they were things that others might view in that manner. I followed my spiritual and parental authority by removing them. They weren’t dear to my heart and it wasn’t denying who I was spiritually or personally. Paul says that “if another Christian is distressed by what you [do], you are not acting in love if you [do] it.” I changed “eat” to “do” in this verse since he was using food as an example. I want to act in love. I don’t want to keep something I might not find wrong and be selfish and please myself if someone else finds it wrong. I want to “be considerate of the doubts and fears of others who think these things are wrong.” He says in Romans 14:22, “You may have the faith to believe that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God.” For the harmony and to show our love for others we must be unselfish and sacrifice things that we might not find personally convicting.

But we must first and foremost keep our convictions and judgments to ourselves because in verse 17, Paul makes it clear that “the Kingdom of God is not about what we [do], but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”

We need to love and not condemn. We need to be redemptive and not accusatory. We need to be accepting not judgmental. Then we will have harmony. Then we will please God.

This isn't for anyone or about anyone. I just have this message in my heart and I hope it will help someone else.

Easter Dying ROFLZZZICOPTER!!!

2007-04-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

So we had a Star Wars Easter this year at my house. Me, my bro, and my Ro did some awesometastic Star Wars eggs as if to say, "Hooray for Jesus...and Star Wars!" in that order. I did Darth Vader in all his glory, Ro did R2 in all his computerdom, and Phil did Yoda in all his...muppetness?

I actually think that Star Wars has more to do with Easter than some dumb bunny stealing and disguising baby chicken fetuses and hiding them for little children to steal and devour. If you think about it, stealing, fake plastic grass, jellybeans, and obesity do not scream Jesus' resurection to me. I'd say, the force, sacrifice, father/son drama, and robots say a lot more about what I grew up hearing the Easter story was all about.

Waiting Games

2007-03-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

So its five minutes after class and I've waited the whole time to talk to my teacher about my project and he's all I'm gonna talk to everyone else in the class first because when I went past your chair you were poopin' in the bathroom so you missed out. I'm hungry and I want to leave.

I was thinking though, when I die I want to be preserved in that goo that they put disecting specimins in so that I can come back to undeadness when the zombie horde attacks. In 2046. On March 12th. At 2:03PM.

11 minutes and still no teacher.

I've decided that my destiny is to be the greatest staple gun shooter in the west. And by west I mean the midwest. And by midwest I mean the greater Chicagoland area. And by that I mean the greatest in my room. I like shooting my TV with staples.

And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

2007-03-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

So just for J's complaining, here is another post. I just got done playing Trogdor and am so wishing that I had WiFi at my house so I could use my internet browser and play all the Homestar Runner games with my Wiimote. Those brothers chaps are programing geniuses. I'm in my computer graphics class, not doing my homework and I don't really know why since I have no time to procrastinate, but here I am posting on my stupid blog and burninating peasants with a beefy-armed dragon. I loath myself.

My favorite office quote:

"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing."
-Dwight Schrute

Care Bear Stare!!! i don't care.

2007-03-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

Alf pogs? Remember Alf? He's back. In pog form. [wii bowling] So the Wii is the best thing ever to happen to me since I accidentally won that contest for Shakespearian hockey players with speech impediments. [wii bowling] Its a long story but I ended up with a lifetime supply of crunk juice. Now Lil' Jon won't stop calling me. He's a lonely guy.

Ok. I promised I wouldn't be like this anymore so here I am stopping. [wii bowling] So I'm over at the Mr. T's house and its 1:30am and we are bowling on the Wii. And every time its my turn [wii bowling] I'm putting that in since I'm getting up and all, and you should know that this conversation is not entirely smooth, because its being interrupted by strange-looking shiny-headed people. [wii bowling] Drea's whooping up on this and its all like her first time. G-dawg is all trixy and putting some reverse curves and Brooklyns up there. [wii bowling] Truthiness is kicking tail and taking names. The Roxy is all tuckered out and sleeping on the floor. Good times. Great times. Here's praying for more times. [wii bowling]

Shiny Things are Distracting

2007-02-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

So I've been praying a lot for God to relieve my workload in school since I have three classes but usually about 7-8 projects going at the same time, and due all at the same time. Yesterday, my Graphic Design teacher (who is all about the benjamins) pushed the dates back for our 3 projects and spread them out so that they aren't all due at the same time. Go Jesus, Go Jesus, GO! (Vanilla Ice style). It's the little victories that make me love him more than jello.

OK so my Intermediate Computer Graphics teacher is all German and stuff, and I so want to just go up to him after class and say, "Hey, I'm all German and stuff but without the whole being born there and stuff!" But I don't really know where the conversation would go from there. I'm picturing an awkward silence followed by him slowly backing his way out of the room, keeping his hand on his emergecy bear mace the whole time.

Can someone please tell me where the reply value is of Deal or No Deal? IT'S THE SAME SHOW EVERY TIME! Every other game show at least had things that change like questions or stuff like that. Why is it the most popular game show on TV? I'll tell you. Howie Mandell is a vampire. Think about it.

You won't think about it.

Question of the day:

Why is a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two cents in?
Somebody's making a penny.

Anonymity and Rat Poison

2007-02-15T20:10:00.000-08:00

Hellorr my blogfans and everyone. So yeah I don't have a lot of time to post or read other people's blogs and such silly things.

"Then again, let us not go to Camelot. Tis a silly place."

So a couple weeks ago we had this coffee house thing at my church and I had wrote a song for it. I'm gonna post the words now so pretend you are hearing me sing them to you through the internet. Put your ear up to the speakers and you will hear the beauty of my vibrating vocal chords and guitar chords...and extension cords.

Desperate Measures

The metaphor of this melody
It burns, it burns inside of me
Like a white hot candle
Political scandal
Everybody's coming to get me, coming to get me
But I don't fear the blade
It's all a masquerade
No one's who they seem
Nothing's what it screams

I've never been through this one
But I guess there's a first time
That means there's a last time
But I still got faith inside my veins

To the faceless one's embracing ignorance
There's no honor in even a little anonymity
But I'm taking a beat down
So I'm dropping the beat now
Just for a little emphasis
To show you just how serious
A holy life can be
Without regret, without remorse
Without believing all the lies

And I've got peace like the ocean
The waves are breaking
Consuming all my emotion
The waves are crashing
And I'll always look up to the sky
And doubt will release into the night
'Cause you will always stand beside
You will always satisfy

So how did I sound? Are your ears bleeding? You shouldn't have turned your speakers up so loud. Babies are cool. They smell terrific. Kinda like turtle meat tacos on a hot Scottstober afternoon. Ok. Please stop me Randall. Thank you. Go back to the video store. You have a line.

Seacrest out.

Random family fact:
I ate rat poison as a child. Decon. Thought it was rat candy. Tasted like staples.

"Well, aren't I the popular one?"

2007-01-11T08:12:00.000-08:00

So aparently I'm popular. Take that Stephanie Richter from 6th grade! Everybody wants to read my awesome blog even though if they don't know me it will make ABSOLUTLY NO sense. So I haven't been here in over threeve months, but in those three months, where nothing has happened on my part to my blog, my ticker made it over 300. Last time I checked I had about 6 pageviews...and they were all from me (except for this one time I had my beta fish, Bob Saget, visit so I didn't feel so lonely. He had to type with his dorsal fin).

Last night I led small groups at Pastor Erik's house. It was so awesome. A student came to me after and said that she really needed to be there to hear it. She went because she had nothing else to do, but God really spoke to her. We talked about listening to God in the silence. Our world is full of noise (audible and visual) and we need to daily shut it all out and not be afraid of "akward" slilence, because as Elijah found in 1 Kings 19, we can be looking for God in earthquakes and rushing winds and fires but He's waiting to speak to us in the silence. This student really made a breakthrough and God really used me to encourage her.

I'm really stressed out right now. I think I'm going to send a fax to myself in the past. It'll really freak me out.

I like mashed potatos too!

2006-10-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

In my Digital Media in Graphic Design class today, We were assigned our new project. We will be creating our own movie titles for an existing movie. The movie I was assigned: Close Encounters of the Third Kind! I would like to be the first person to say "booya" at myself for being given the gift to have to watch this movie for a class. I was a little disapointed though that I didn't get Blade Runner. And the person who did get it hates sci-fi movies. How sad is that. I wanted that movie not only because Harrison Ford is friends with wookies, but also because I haven't acually seen it before. It's one of the original sci-fi's but for some reason or another no one that I know has it and I've never seen it on TV. And with that, I leave you with this:

a:f6

We're going to get nasty letters...

2006-10-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

An end to the silliness. That's right. I said it. I'm done making every single post into an event to exercise my random statement muscles. We're changing directions on this blog a little. And by we, I mean me and this mole I have on my left knee pit that I think might be my undeveloped twin. I call him Eddith. I assume he would be Brittish. But I digress. I came here, one because I haven't posted in like 9 months, and second to say that I'd like to have a little content and a place I can talk about my life a little instead of trying to write the most random things my mind to come up with to make only me and Darin laugh for a few seconds.

So to start things off, I'm watching the Bears right now beat the what what out of Seattle. I don't know why football is so much more popular this year than I have ever seen it. Is it because of the new popularity of fantasy football? Or maybe because the Bears are totally dominating? The answer: Canadians. It's the Canadians with their marmasets, bags of milk, and royal mounties who seem to serve no purpose. It's their fault that football is more popular. Or ficus plants. It could be because they came back.

Fire Eating Time Commences!

2006-03-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

Things to get at the store:

Bacon
Highlighters
Bacon-flavored highlighters
Bacon-shaped highlighters
High-Bacon-Lighters
Baconlighters
Bacon Bits
Highlighter Bits
Beggin Strips
Tickets to the Highlighter/Bacon Appreciation Festival (HBAF)
World Domination Magnets

Can someone please tell me what possessed Nicole Kidman to destroy the entire infastructure of the universe we coincide with the worst possible acting from a human person? No? Well, EverQuest is still a horrible waste of time and so would be going to see Nanny McPhee. Why have the youth today not been graced with the privilege of seeing Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? It's a crime against all things rock and cool and possum-ie. Everyone should experience the majesty that is Bill and Ted along with getting devoured by possums. Where else are they gonna get an education on bloodloss?

I'm just glad they were poodles...

ahhhhi am toypinng toofa st!

2006-02-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

ok so i'm just gonna do a quck post because i havent posted in a long time and i dont want my last boring post to be the first impression people get of me and my stupidity. plus i have like a billion and six hours of homework and hey look a small furry animal that's doing a tiny tiny dance for me and me alone to keep me from concentrating...look at him dance. i will call him lenny. anyway, i've decided that i need to go snowboarding. i was soposed to go a few times over break but it was way too warm and not snowboardie outside. i think i'll give lenny a snack. here lenny, have a taco. so i dont know when but i'm determined to go somehow some way some day some gay. now lenny's full of taco meat. hooray! does anyone else notice that sea monkeys have babies a lot? well they do. and i dont like it. they should love jesus more. stupid sea monkeys. why cant you be more like lenny. oh. nevermind. stop doing that lenny. be more like jesus. and i'm out...

Kicks to the face might cause bleeding

2006-02-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

Ok. So, not to offend the children (you might want to move them to another room or cover their ears as you read this to them before bed as I know you all do), but I am going to be serious. I don't get people. If you're a people, you know who I'm talkin' about. If you're not a people, you're probably a llama and should stop using the internet. But to all the people: YOU HAVE A CHOICE! You always have a choice, that's what being a people is all about. Now, in my graphic design class and my history of design class (I'm a designer!), these "people" have been telling me that since they're only students or when they enter the "big people land" they will be newbies and should always do as they're told, even if they are morally against what they're doing. Now, I'm all for being a tool sometimes if I'm not super terrific funtime excited about a project or job, I can find a way to get through it or even learn to like the subject matter, but if I'm morally AGAINST something, I ain't gonna do it no matter the consequences. Not just because I'm a Christian but I don't think I would even do it even if I didn't have an desire to please my God. Does morality not even matter anymore? This makes me mad that people would stoop to lowering their moral guard just for a job. There can be compromise. Just talk to your boss, stop being a tool and stop compromising everything that you stand for. If I was an African American I wouldn't do an ad for the KKK. It just wouldn't happen. And I believe my boss would understand why. It's not being cocky, it's not compromising the things that make me who I am. We have a choice. That's what I'm saying. Boo to all you no moral conscience tools out there. Boo I say. And give me your money. I say that to you too. Give me money. I need money.

Title changed to a different Stefan Smith quote: "Po Da Meewk!"

2006-01-31T20:25:00.000-08:00

College ruled or wide ruled? Cup cakes or twinkies? Hasslehoff or Shatner? School bus or digital cameras? Hairless bunnies or dancing pandas? These age old questions can be summed up in one answer: left ventricle. So, I got my digital camera for Christmas and now I can finally start all the stalking I've been putting off for months. Gosh I love Weezey from the Jefferson's. She will soon know just how much...(devilish laugh). So does anyone else remember that whole Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade game for the PC/Mac back in like 1990 where you could choose what you said to everybody and if you chose the wrong thing you had to like beat the Nazi out of them and they all boxed like they were from the 1800's and anytime they added a character for no apparent reason or just could explain something they would say "Don't ask," or if Indiana was trying to get past a real stupid guard he would pretend like he was all a salesman and be all like "I'm selling these fine leather jackets," and if he didn't believe you, you could then beat the Nazi out of them but if he did believe you then you'd be all like "um...give me some money and I'll put you down for an order," and you'd get like some Germainain money called "marks?" and you always got a chuckle and you got to kill Hitler and single-handedly save Germany and America and the whole world and there was awesome graphics and it single handedly revolutionized gaming as we know it. Yeah, that game sucked. Royally. So I was thinking what my face was like if every pore I had was a huge whitehead zit. That would be awesome because everyone would either want my picture, or want to run and scream, or want to pop my face off. That would be awesomer if they all went off at once. I would drown in my own zit juice. I just have one more thing to say: toxic mold. That's where I'm leaving it. Too bad if you want to know more about the toxic mold, but that's all I was told. Toxic mold. And drugs. Something about drugs.

Feelin' Stupid? I know I am!

2005-09-28T15:35:00.000-07:00

Can anyone tell me what is the deal with professers? What is their bag of Snaussages? I flunked my first test EVER yesterday and it wasn't from a lack of reading, studying, going to lectures, or eating 24 ding dongs in one sitting. It was from the stupid test and the stupid professor being stupid...and confusing...and a mongoose. For starters, he looks like Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm and co-creator of Sienfeld. That's just down right creepy to begin with. Then he has the worst questions that have nothing to do with the reading and lectures, and the ones that do are either so broad that they would cause Dick Clark to short circuit (for those of you that are slower than Carrot Top, Dick Clark is a robot) or are about the most miniscule person out of the four-thousand eight-hundred twenty-six people that he said we needed to research for the test. So since I got a 58 1/2% (I'm actually being serious for once), i need to get an average of 99% on everything else here on out to not get my first B...EVER. In happenstance, (yes it's a word) I would like an Xbox 360 for Christmas. I think you know where I'm going with this...right to my left ventricle. Fifty bucks to anyone who can give me the dictionary definition of a flecktone. Why does boo have a bad connotation, but booya have an awesome connotation? Oh well. BOOYA ANYWAY!

I'm Back for REVENGE...because the first venge didn't work...

2005-09-02T00:18:00.000-07:00

...so I must REvenge. So it's been like a million and six years since I've posted here. So now that I'm back from my hibernation, I get to eat salmon and scare wayward campers and scout troops. Word to the wise: never take an art history class...EVER, buy your guns from the store (not from comic book conventions from some guy named Earl who refers to himself as Gondolorion the Enchanted Sage), get the gettin' while the gettin's good, and don't sprint with a mouth full of mummy brown acrylic paint (and especially don't trip). What's been up with the Stevenator you ask? First of all, don't ever call me the Stevenator again or I'll have to tear pocket off and beat you with your own shoes. You shall refer to me as Gondolorion the Enchanted Sage. Two, I am doing graphic design for the church, web design for my dad, lots of homework in my color theory, graphic design, typography, and history of design (boourns) classes, and trying to find time for videogames. I miss videogames. And my mom. I miss her too. But mostly I miss the whole saving the world thing me and my sidekick Torgo the Wonder Bread used to do. We even had our own theme song. It went a little like this:
Steve and Torgo
Steve and Torgo
Save the world
Save the world
Shaking hands
Kissing babies
Killing baddies
Torgo with his knees
Steve-o with his cheese
Steve and Torgo
Steve and Torgo
Midgets dancing
Torgo prancing
Steve freelancing
Run and hide
Under the slide
Watch for spiders
And Tom Cruise
He's nuts and creepy
Just like spiders
Just like spiders

Ahhhh. Did that whole thing in one breath. Now I'm gonna curl up in my sock drawer, and sleep for days. Out.

Random Question: What's up with creepy guys that post twenty page stock tips on your blog? I feel violated. Blog violated.

Just let me die

2005-04-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Too...much...work...for...one...human...being...to...handle. Does the "..." lose its meaning when you use it for every word in the sentence? I'm Not feeling the tops right now. Not quite feeling the bottoms either. Maybe you should go change. Maybe I need some change cuz I used it all to buy pop that one time. Did you ever think of that? Beware of perverts on the subway. So who's ready for a CHALLENGE!!!! 20x6!!!! Without TV I think I'd be a mad man. So if you were ever kickin' it with Byron Allen at 3:00 in the morning, wouldn't you want to punch him right in the face? Me neither. Byron is the coolest. I can't seem to find my motivation for this scene. Wait. There it is. It was underneath my huge guns. Oh yeah! Oh it's a deep burn. It's so deep! I'm waiting for the render to be over. Just so you know. Hey Darin. I've got three quick questions. What's the best thing you've ever seen, done, eaten? I bite my toenails with anticipation for your overwhelmingly awesometastic respooonce. That's right, I spelled response wrong big deal wanna fight about it?

My newest post EVER!

2005-04-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

I had a dream. No, that's not all. I'm going to tell you the content of this dream. Aren't you glad? You shouldn't be glad. It's a haunting dream. But you get your choice of topping! Aren't you glad? You shouldn't be glad. I can't remember the entire dream and you will be left unfulfilled. But the dream was pretty good if you have any understanding of my most intimate life. If not, you're smart. In this so-called "dream," I was at my church. That's all! Not really. I was performing on stage in a band. Not just any band though, this band contained the members Reese Roper and Dennis Culp from the formerly world renown, (minus Antarctica and some parts of Zimbabwe) Canada loving, dog killing, foot walking, zombie killing band called Five Iron Frenzy. They were dressed in funny outfits. I think Dennis had on Elton John glasses. We rocked the house. I don't remember the songs we played, or who played what, or any other details of the playing or the rocking, but I do remember that it was the greatest rocking that the free world has ever seen (the slave world sees it all the time, those guys can rock. But you never hear about it cuz they're snobby and some got silenced in bad ways for the "bak talkin'."). After the show me and "the guys" (and when I say "the guys" I mean me, Reese, Dennis, George Lucas (who I call Jar Jar just to spite him), some bear with a funny hat on, and a random church choir) went backstage and talked for a little bit about how awesome I was and how hard I rocked. Actually, I don't really remember what we talked about. I'm assuming that was it because I'm sure I was and did, but all I can remember was that I was drinking out of this big plastic cup full of grape juice. I remember them commenting on that. I wish I remembered more but it's a miracle that I remembered this much. I think the dream means I'm supposed to get a pet. Maybe I'll get a bear with a funny hat...or a random church choir. Either way, I won't have enough money to feed it and it'll die within 72 hours. Told you you'd feel unfulfilled.

New hair! Do?

2005-04-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, I got my hairs cut. Yes friends, I sold out. I got a fauxhawk (fake mohawk) or as you fumans would call a "corporate mohawk." Now I have been noticing that people don't like it. No one has straight out told me they don't like it (except my girlfriend, bless her little corn), but you know how people say, "Well, if I didn't like it, I just wouldn't say anything." Yeah. That. That's been happening. The majority of people that I know notice my drastically different hair have not mentioned anything about it. It's OK. I like it, and that's what's really fimportant. I'm SO not depressed about it or anything. Nope. Don't wanna cry uncontrollably right now. I can tell you that right out. Is anyone else crying uncontrollably right now? You know what would rise my self esteem? Watching Labyrinth again and pointing/laughing/screaming in terror at David Bowie's hair style would make all better the hurtings. Then I would have to suffer through "Dance Magic Dance, Jump Magic Jump" again (shudder with fear). I'm going to point my chair this way now.

Random family fact:
We have a bowl full of candy from Halloween...of 1992. I've given people candy from it and not felt bad at all. Fonderful.

This title is hillarious (laugh)

2005-04-01T15:21:00.000-08:00

So I just figured out that I am going to be a senior here at UIC for two and a half years. Hooray for the American public education system! Hooray for floppy discs! So I'm at the Savvy Traveler yesternoon. I'm in China and there's this porcelain llama that's making the most 'tarded face I've ever seen on a porcelain llama. And every time I look up at him...he's looking directly at me. And that's the end. Nothing more happens. And by nothing, I mean we did NOT get any closer emotionally, or call each other every hour on the hour after that, or exchange our blood types through telepathy, or scream "I'm the number one stunna!!" at each other. Nothing of the sort. I have to go over here now.

Way to go, random laughing hobo!

2005-03-29T20:34:00.000-08:00

So I'm on Michigan Ave. in a park next to the Art Institute. I'm drawing a panda and I see this hobo laying on a railing, all cuddled up nice and warm under the covers, in seventy degree weather, randomly laughing to himself for no apparent reason. Now, I could understand if he had seen a couple funny things on the street (like someone kicking an unsuspecting pigeon perhaps) he could have had a good chuckle to himself and I might join in and give him a cracker or threeve. But this cracker-grubber would laugh every two minutes the whole two hours I was sitting there. I don't care how many pigeons you see die, it would lose it's ha-ha after a while, and it wouldn't happen every two minutes unless we lived in Egypt. So I packed up my panda drinking his own panda excrement and left the guy to swat at imaginary elves and laugh at imaginary pigeons. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that the Internet is a good way to buy airline tickets.

Long Time No Tacos

2005-03-23T14:51:00.000-08:00

Who couldn't love Resident Evil 4? Not anyone who plays games, says I. So if you play games, buy Resident Evil 4 and play it. Now. Just ask EGM or Game Informer, they'll tell you that this is the game of the year, and it only came out eleven days into it. Well done Capcom. In this re-re's opinion, I would have to say this is the best thing to come out of Capcom since Street Fighter 2. It's the best thing to come to Game Cube since Animal Crossing. And it's the best thing to come to my room since that hobo who gave me "magic" candy. Boy that Yodle was so good. I wish I was eating it right now. Sorry I haven't graced the page with my glorious mind numbing posts in a while, but I don't care about you people. And I'm coming over to your house to starve your fish. He just won't stop glaring at me. I'll see you at five.

Two turn tables and a microscope.

2005-03-07T10:19:00.000-08:00

So rounding the bend, it's diddlie bih with his wonder llama! To be honest, it's not easy being this awesome. I mean to be this totally cool twenty-four hours a day is hard for the normal human being. But I'm up for the...who am I kidding? I'm a dork aren't I. It's OK. Say it. "You're a dork Steve." Now I feel better. In fact, I feel strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark. Speaking of gundarks, I have finished the Star Wars photo movie and are currently trying to figure out how to put it on here. I wish someone out there could tell me. Someone. Some. One. Help. So, here I go again. Off to drown myself in maple syrup and M & M's. I might try adding some marshmallow fluff this time, but I fear things. Marshmallow things. Clown things. Kenny G things. THINGS!

Pickle on the boat.

2005-03-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

So, it has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my duties to all you two people who actually view my blog. Yes, I'm lazy and busy and I don't update. So what? Did you ever want to take a tree and kick it in the pants a few 60 times while screaming, "Wake up you lazy photosinthesis loving surrender monkey!" When I feel that way, I take a good hard look at myself and wonder, "Could I BE any more awesome?" Who knows how to weave baskets? Ahh, but can you do it submerged in pudding and Mountain Dew? I could if I wanted to, but I think I won't prove it to anyone for as long as I live as not to become an arrogant showoff. If Ella Fitsgerald married Darth Vader she'd be Ella Vader. It kinda makes you wish you owned your own lightsaber, doesn't it. Jealous? In closing, to be a true fan of Mother Goose, you need to know your shoes, there's no way of getting around it. But it won't save you any money on car insurance. Geico: a fifteen minute call COULD save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance, but it'll probably just waste fifteen minutes of your life where you could have been playing Resident Evil 4.

My Pockets Hurt.

2005-02-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

So I only have three classes this semester and they're all pretty enjoyable and easy. Yet, this week I have five projects to do and my brain is about to commit suicide. If it doesn't, I plan on stabbing it with a Q-tip. I don't think I have been this stressed out since I've been here at UIC. I think I'm getting a taste of what my girlfriend Rhoda has to deal with EVERY week. villiage people... Still no computer though. I'm a crumby dumby gumby and I forgot to bring home the recovery CD for my 'puter. Survivor this week! Huahh! HOOO-AHHHH I say. Peace, love and punk rawk.

No Compy!!

2005-02-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

My computer is being a buttmunch. Buttmunch say you? Yessireee, a buttmunch. There is something wrong with one of my drives. So, I must wipe it. Wipe it clean. Wipe it 'til it's chappy. Soon I will have vengance! Speaking of vengance, I will probably be posting a Star Wars movie I created in my time based visual art class soon. So...WATCH OUT! Seriously, watch out...behind you...there's...a thing...with hair...and a prod of some sort...about to swarm you...with a wave of babies.

Beginning

2005-02-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

The first post. If you view my profile, it's not a picture of me, it is a picture of Reese Roper. We're basically the same person so I deemed it leagal to say he is me. I'll eventually get a picture of myself there. So how's it going? Me too, that sux don't it? So when are you gonna get it waxed off? I'd do it sooner if I were you.